Thursday, October 20, 2005

Forever's Bride

She sits on her chair knitting her own wedding dress that was dovetailed from her childhood. She started it the day he left, oblivious of the world around her. A day had passed, then months. Soon it'll be two years and forever might finally knock on the door to visit her. They will marry; they will have sons and daughters. She will be happy for a day. And if forever comes a day sooner than it should, her prince would leave her just as instantly. And her children will grow up without a father. And he will break her heart.

But for now, she patiently waits for this distant lover to save her while she wastes away her life waiting for it to begin. She passes up on every gathering that requires an escort. She doesn't have stories about her boyfriend to tell to her friends except those of her present suitors. She wishes he could at least fetch her or send a bouquet of flowers just like them. She is envious. Instead she listens to their songs of love, elegies to a relationship long dead even before it started.

The world passes by her, princes far greater lovers than her man march in and out of her life. She's tempted to go with the last one but she can't or her distant lover will break her heart. Every night, she cries her way to sleep. And the nights cold and ruthless. And when slumber's arms around her to give solace, nightmare throws a bucket of cold sweat to wake her up, bringing her gifts of her prince's escapades with other women. She shuts these visions off with a pillow, even tried to suffocate her self but miserably fails every time she tries. She pretends not to hurt but she secretly pines for another man or any man who can save her today. But she can't or he will break her heart.

She stands up and pushes herself forward. With head low, she lifts one heavy foot at a time. Her wedding dress tattered and dragged with her heart's entourage. She continues to tread on the memories of yesterday, wishing it is the naive she walks on. And she breaks her own heart.

1 comment:

  1. parang nakita ko ang sarili ko noon. nung wala pang nagmamahal sa akin...

    ReplyDelete