Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Happy Thoughts

You woke me up the first morning I rested my eyes on you. At that instant, for some strange reason I knew you were going to be a very special part of me. It was some sort of admonition but the thought had been arrogantly dismissed with "ang haba naman ng katawan niya, not my type." And I continued my disrupted dream of pretty girls.

You too remember that day when you had mistaken me for a messenger. And you confessed that, laughing at my reaction. So that made us even. I didn't expect you to notice me and be my friend anyway. And it even took me quite a while to notice your existence - that you were funny and cute. You were too childish for me. You laugh at the slightest things and you eat a lot

Do you remember how it used to be, our casual game of charades played by emoticons, the high fives and back rubs exchanged when the goings got tough, the luncheons shared atop your very small drawer, the late night walks and foolish talks - you were too ashamed to have me around when I had the fit of craziness, the long trips we'd taken just so we could have a seat and prolong your embarrassment?

Did you know that I liked to feign sleep and rest my head beside your birthmark, to watch it and your kind countenance with my cheek pressed on your desk until you looked at me, blinked an eye and became fidgety? I wished I could give you everything - the warmth when it was raining, the joke when you wore that long face, the french fries when you craved for it, even the cup of coffee that would have loved you in return.

Well, it's hard pretending to be all right. It is like when you refuse to show the pain but you actually limp behind a hard face. Or wished to say "I'm sorry, pwamis it won't happen again" to your best friend and just watch her go; you turn your back and your tears trickle down your cheeks but you can't wipe it off for fear that somebody might see. It's like this, everyone knows I love you, because I had told you that and you told them.(at least that's what i believed in) We didn't become best friends because of this accusation but I'm sure as hell we could have been, had we gotten to know each other a day more. Oh well, so much for these sad words both my pen and tongue are guilty of. I'm getting emo. I just miss you.

There is one more thing I haven't told you. Do you remember how I used to tease you about leaving a foul scent behind? It had always been like that, my world reeking of muck. But you had come into my life and for a brief period of time I lived. I wonder where you are right now. I hate this smell!

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